


I want to get better

by Themoonandstars_fellinlove



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hospital, Hospitalization, I can't take angst so it won't be bad, I mean there are a lot of mental illnesses and they are teenagers so angst is going to happen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Light Angst, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Mental Health Issues, Mental Hospital, Mental Illness, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Therapy, idk - Freeform, ish, love and sex don't fix you, probably
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-14 07:05:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5734135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Themoonandstars_fellinlove/pseuds/Themoonandstars_fellinlove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius Black is admitted to St. Mungo's Mental Health Hospital, where he meets Remus. </p><p>Remus Lupin has been in St. Mungo's for months, he doubts he will ever leave. </p><p>They both just want to get better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay Hi this is my first time writing fanfiction and I had the idea of Remus and Sirius meeting in a hospital and stuff, so i am writing this. I do have experience with being in Mental Health Hospitals and with recovery and therapy and having multiple mental illnesses so most of this is correct.

 ' _Really_?' Sirius thought, _'Really, I have to ride in an ambulance to this fucking place?'_

 

"Quick question? Why an ambulance?" Sirius asked the lady that was assigned to his case, he thinks her name is Molly, she has bright ginger hair and a very pregnant belly.

"Because Mr.Black only a parent or legal guardian can drive you and since you don't technically have either you have to be transported by the way they transport everyone else how doesn't have a ride."

"I told you to please not call me that."

"Sorry, Sirius." She corrected, "But can you please go with the EMT's? I will meet up with you when we get to the hospital."

Sirius went with the EMT's they were nice enough to carry his bags and set them inside the ambulance. As he went to go in and sit on the side they stopped him and said, "Sorry you have to go in the bed, you can sit up in it but you have to sit there. And we kinda have to strap you in it." the man in the back with him look apologetic and motioned for him to move. Sirius sighed and got up to move. The gurney wasn't comfortable but it wasn't terrible. He sighed again and put his head back as they put straps around him. 

He thought of what this new long term hospital would bring, if the legal bullshit would finally go through so the Potters were his legal guardians, if his family will once again find a way to wiggle out of the lawsuits and could stop the media from reporting on it, he knew his family would. As they always do, no matter how much legal trouble anyone in his family got in they always got out of the charges. It started making Sirius want to get in more trouble, more than the usual defacing property or disrupting the peace that he did with James.

Sometimes he craved recklessness and adrenaline, other times he just wanted to be noticed because it had been days and no one in his house even acknowledged his existence. Sometimes he had urges to things he knew he shouldn't and it really depended on his mood that day or hour or week on whether  or not he acted on the urge. Sometimes he'd hurt himself just to feel something because he would go through frequent differences in his mood. He would be feeling great and laughing and having just a wonderful time but out of nowhere would start feel down either numb or depressed. He doesn't know why he feels like this, sometimes he thinks he is going crazy.  

Too much thinking he decides trying to come back to reality, which he isn't quite fond of. He lays back and tries to sleep because it is going to be a long ride. It is an hour before Sirius is woken up. He sits up feeling groggy and unbuckles the strap around his hips and walks out of the ambulance seeing Molly all ready talking to a woman in front of a building that had a wooden sign that read 'ADMISSIONS And VISITATION'. He walked up after the EMT handed him his bags. Molly looked over and gave him a small smile and turned to the woman and said,

"This is Sirius, Sirius, This is Christa, she will be doing your entrance paper work and will show you to where you'll be staying. If you'd like I can come with you, if not it is fine."

A wave of anxiety washed over Sirius as he looked from Molly to this woman named Christa. He didn't want to be alone but he didn't want to trouble Molly. He took a few breaths and was still unsure of what he wanted to do. Molly probably saw how uneasy he was when she said,

"It's okay I'll come with you, I want to make sure you are okay as well. It's okay, you're not going to be alone." 

Sirius nodded, he felt pathetic, he didn't want to have someone hold his hand because he got nervous in new places. But he also was grateful, he hated being alone. They walked into the building and followed that Christa woman into a hall where she asked him for his bags, and reassured him they would be returned to him when they were done with the paperwork to admit him, he think she called it a 'unit' he wasn't sure. His mind was racing and was focusing all his energy on trying to not freak out. Molly put her hand on his shoulder still seeing the unease on his face, and told him it would be okay, that he was safe, it would all work out, he was getting help, things would be better. He sincerely hoped so, his thoughts told him the exact opposite but he tried to ignore those. Christa brought them into a room and gestured for them to sit as she asked Sirius some questions he had answered a dozen times before and was honestly getting tired of answering. 

When she was done, she left the room for five or so minutes. Returning with his bags in her hands, she handed them over to him and told him he would be in the Gryffindor unit and to follow her. 'Strange name', he thought, but followed her anyway. Carrying his bags and Molly walking beside him giving him a soft smile and a reassuring look, it made him feel a little more at ease. Christa walked in front of them pointing at various buildings explaining what they were, there was a cafeteria, rec room with stairs next to the building that lead to a gymnasium under it, the stairs also lead to a pool in-between the cafeteria and rec room,  a building for outpatients, there were many buildings for inpatients both short term and long term they all had equally ridiculous names, there was a playground (which alarmed him that there were children that young here) and finally a building for school. His legs were beginning to tire as they finally reached building with a wooden sign in the front of it saying 'GRYFFINDOR'. 

Christa scanned a badge hanging from her shirt and held a button as she grabbed open a heavy looking metal door and held it open for them. They walked into a entryway that split off into two doorways to the left there was a door that said 'ADOLESCENTS' with two heavy looking metal doors and to the right it was identical but instead of 'ADOLESCENTS' it read 'CHILDREN'. There were two Plexiglas windows that had what looked a nurses work stations. The walls were maroon with a golden yellow trim, there was two arm chairs by the windows, there was a couple sitting on them having a conversation with a young child who was crying. Christa repeated the action she outside by the door that said 'ADOLESCENTS' trying to ignore the moment that was happening in hall. They all were trying ignore it, Molly had a look of sadness looking at the child, Sirius just tried to look away as he waited for Christa to open the door. He kept his head down as he walked through the door Christa held open and told him, 

"You can put your bags on the counter, the staff needs to look through them anyway."

He nodded and walking into the 'unit' and turned to his right and put his bags on the counter of the thing that looked like a nurses station. Molly turned to him and put her hands on his shoulders and told him that she had to but she would be checking up on him tomorrow and that it's okay and things will get better. He really, really hoped she was right, that things would get better. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius goes through the intake process, and meets some new people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so a new chapter, forgive any mistakes I am sick and it has been almost two years since I was hospitalized so somethings might not totally correct.

 

A older looking woman was talking to Christa for a bit, then turned to Sirius as Christa waved a goodbye and said,

 "Alright kid, come on back we need to do your physical check, you know to make sure you don't have anything we consider contraband on you." 

She unhooked a latch from the back of the counter and pushed a small swinging door and motioned for him to go through it. He looked at her with a questionable look then followed her as she turned away from him and took his bags off the counter and put them behind the counter and told him that she would look through them when he was getting a check. Which caused his to give her another questionable look because, she was the only staff member he saw. So he decided to ask her,

"Then who is going to do my check if you you will be looking through my stuff?"

"Ah, so he speaks, and don't worry kid I'm not going to do you check, we get male staff to do the the boys. I will have to get one from next door because as you can see all the other staff is gone, they took the other children in the unit to lunch and won't be back for a good fifteen minutes. So come on follow me. I am Miss Poppy, I am the RN in the unit, Monday to Friday, 7:00 Am to 11:00 Pm. I will be the one handing out medications, and anything else of medical importance. Come along now, through this door and try not to touch anything on the walls."

Sirius followed 'Miss Poppy' through a door with led into a dimly lit hallway and he was led down it into yet another door that said 'DOCTOR' on it as sat on a table lined with paper as she told him to stay there as she got a staff member, and she closed the door behind her. Leaving Sirius by himself in a room that resembled a doctor's examining room. It made him a bit uneasy if he was to be completely honest. Just as he was leaning back to escape into his thoughts the door opened with a dark-skinned man with a shinny head stepping out from behind it. He had scrubs on and was holding a clipboard, he couldn't have been older than 27. 

"Hey there, Sirius, right?"

Sirius gave a small smile and said, "Yep, the one and only." 

The man gave a chuckle and said, " Cool man, I'm Mr. J", He put his hand out to shake, Sirius shook it like he was taught to.

"Nice hand shake kid, now I know this is a tad awkward but, I'm going to need you to strip and empty out your pockets of your jacket and jeans, also shake out your boots and take your socks off."

Sirius definitely felt awkward now, standing barefoot in only his pants, emptying out his already empty pockets.

"Alright now this part is even more awkward, I'm going to pull your pants down, squat and cough. I'll turn around for this bit, after you cough you can pull your pants back up."

Forget the awkwardness before, this was a hole new wave of awkward but Sirius did it anyway, even if it sounded like a bad opening to a porno. After he coughed and 'Mr.J' turned back around and said, "Thanks, I know how weird it sounds but you'd be surprised at how many times it was necessary to do that." 

"It's alright. I understand it is necessary." Sirius muttered. 

"Alright, now I'm going to need you to face forward and put your hands by your side so I can mark all your scars and marks on this chart." He held up the clipboard that had a outline of a human body on it. 

"Um, okay."

"So are these scars self inflicted or caused by other means?" 

"Um, a mix of both?"

"Okay, can you tell me what the other means were?"

"Uh, abuse mostly? My parents are dicks who liked to kick the shit out of me when I wasn't up to their standers, and the other ones are from falling down and stuff." 

"I see, well I understand that you are not with your parents anymore, so that is good."

"Yeah, I guess so. Are you done? I'm kinda cold and just want to put my clothes back on." Sirius really didn't want to talk about his parents when he was standing in his pants in an examining room.

"Yes, I'm done with the chart, you can put your clothes on now. I just have a few questions to ask you and then you're done with the exam."

Sirius sighed and started to put his clothes back on as 'Mr. J' started to ask Sirius questions about his health  and about the origin of his most recent marks and cuts, and Sirius answered to the best of his ability. Then Mr. J said that was all of the questions and stopped and looked at Sirius and said,

"You know Sirius, I think you are a good kid, and let me be the first to tell you, coming here to get help is the first step to breaking free from the abuse, and just coming here voluntarily is a huge towards recovery, because we can't help you, if you don't want it. And all of the staff here is in your corner and are here to help you and support you and there are a lot of kids that have gone through similar things that you have, I mean I don't know the whole story but from what I can tell, I can tell you that you one hell of a strong kid that didn't deserve anything that you've gone through but you are not alone. Sorry to get all sappy on you, you just looked like you needed some words of encouragement. I get that it's scary being here by yourself and it's probably been a long day for you so let's get you back to Miss Poppy, the rest of the unit is probably back from lunch now and I am pretty sure the brought you back some lunch. Are you hungry?"

"Um thanks, for saying that stuff, it means a lot to me really. And uh yeah I could eat hah."

"Don't mention it kid, it's the least I could do, and you looked down, but granted most people do when they come here. Come on." Mr. J held open the door that out into the hallway. "Oh shit I almost forgot, can you take you hair out of that bun and shake it out? I doubt you are hiding anything in your hair but it's mandatory."

Sirius nodded and took his hair down and gave it a shake, giving a few head bangs for effect. Flipping it back giving Mr. J a smile. 

"Good?"

Mr. J chuckled and said, "Yeah kid thanks a billion. Now lets get you some food and let you meet the rest of the staff and guys you'll be living with."

Sirius grinned feeling a bit better than before, he stepped out of the dimly lit hallway back into behind the nurses station. 

"Oh I guess they aren't back yet, well that's okay, it is more time you can get situated and look around before they come back and fill the place with noise."

Mr. J unlatched another small swinging door on the opposite side of where he entered originally which he now saw was separated by a wall with to large doors next to the nurses station they also had a latch on them. The wall separated one massive room into two sides, the ceilings were very high and had pillars that attached to the wall. It sort of looked like the inside roof of a lodge, if it wasn't for the cameras on every corner of the rooms. Each side had a TV planted high enough on the wall where he would need a chair to reach it. Each side also had three good sized circular tables and each table had at least three thick plastic chairs most of which were red. Then there were multiple large brown chairs pushed into a large L shaped sofa, the back of the chairs were fabric and the cushion part was some sort of easy to clean vinyl. The walls were painted the same color as the entryway, except for the back wall, that was is brick. Also on the back wall was large Plexiglas windows that had a purple tint to them, they over looked into a small area outside surrounded by a large wooden privacy fence. The door to the outside area was on the left side of the wall dividing the room, on the right it was only windows. Other than that the walls were covered in motivational posters, on the far right was by the door that led to the back area Sirius just came out of there was a large whiteboard that had tape on it making it look almost like notebook paper. There were names of a fair amount of people, each name had it's own line of the whiteboard, and that line was sectioned off into smaller squares and had a whole color coed abbreviations that Sirius couldn't make sense of if he tried, and just as Mr. J told him to grab a seat on the right side. The large metal doors were pushed open and a line of kids around his age started walking in counting as they walked through the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I PROMISE next time Remus will be Introduced. ALSO I'm sorry for the long part at the end describing the unit.. I just really like setting the scene and giving you a detailed idea of what it looks like.   
> As always tell me what you thought.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is here bitches, and Sirius is just really gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for Maureen,  
> She is an amazing friend and has written me so many wonderful things, and is one of my favorite writers (I may be a little bias, so what? fight me) and we have the best headcannons. Her account is Remy_Writes5. you should read her fics, especially her Scorbus one. (that is one of my favorites, again I am bias, fight me.) Anyway, she is amazing and helps motivate me, and has requested a holyshitimsuperfuckinggay moment, among other things. 
> 
> So here we fucking go.

Remus sat in his chair facing Lily listening to how her new out patient program was going.

"That is really great Lily, I am so happy you. You really deserve your happiness, you worked really hard for it."

"You know you deserve happiness too Remus, how is treatment going since we last talked?"

"Not much has changed since we talked last week, oh I am a supposed to be getting a roommate soon though, today I think. By the way, what time is it? I think they will be coming back from lunch soon. Which reminds me do you have what we talked about?"

"It's 12:45 they are probably already back and yes, Remus, I smuggled in your chocolate." Lily said digging in her purse, pulling out a few chocolate bars handing them to Remus. Who quickly grabbed them and gave Lily a kiss on the cheek.

"Fuck yes. Thank you Lils you are literally the best, if i wasn't so super gay I would be in love with you."

"Well good to know, And I know how much you love chocolate so it is no problem. Now I got to go love, I got a group meeting in the out patient building. Come on McWolf walk me to the door and tell me goodbye."

"I guess, after all I need to get my food."

"Wanker."

"You love me."

"Unfortunately."

They got up and walked out of the room that was used for visitation and group meetings. Lily held the door open for them as Remus hid his new chocolate bars in his pockets. He walked Lily to the staff desk by the doors and gave her one final hug as she promised to call tonight. He waved a final goodbye as she walked out the door. Visiting with Lily is one of the highlights of his week, they talk every night on the phone but they can't share much over the ten minutes everyone gets to talk on the phone, so she makes time every week. Remus smiled to himself and walked through the doors that divides the boys from girls which he does not understand why they have, it's the common room, its not like people are going to bang each other on the brown chairs if they are left in the same common room, especially in front of the staff, and two dozen other teenagers around. Even if they wanted to staff has a strict 'boundaries' policy, we can't hug each other without getting yelled at to stop. Not to say Remus wanted to go around hugging everyone, but hugs were nice on bad days.

Remus shook his thoughts away as he made his way to go his room to put up the things Lily had given him, and of course hide his new chocolate. He was stopped in his tracks by who he can only describe as the most beautiful person he had ever laid eyes on. A person who he had never seen before, which meant he must be his new roommate...

Remus gave his new roommate a quick look over. The Boy was at least a head shorter than Remus, he had black hair that went to his shoulders, he had a strong jaw and cheekbones so sharp you could cut yourself on them. Remus glanced up to look the boy in his eyes, that were the most brilliant shade of grey, almost sliver. 

Remus smirked and said, "Hey I'm Remus. You are?"

The boy looked at Remus with wide eyes and after looking Remus up and down and blinking a few times, the boy opened his mouth to say something then closed it again. Then finally after a few seconds the boy licked his lips and said, 

"I.. I 'm.... um... I uhhh... I... am.. HolyshitIamsuperfuckinggay. Fuck! No wait! I did not mean to say that out loud."

"Um I mean, Hi, I'm Sirius." 

"Hi, Sirius, like I said, I'm Remus. I'm sure I'll be see you around a lot more."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, and don't worry I'm super fucking gay too.", I said with a smirk and winked before walking into the hallway towards his room... Oh man this was going to be fun. 

 

* * *

 

 Sirius stood there blinking for a few seconds. What in the bloody fuck was that?

He is Sirius Black.

He doesn't get flustered like that.

He gets other flustered. 

Or at least until it came to this Remus. He was one of the beautiful boys Sirius ever laid eyes on, and just thinking about his eyes staring at him was making Sirius's heart speed up again. What the fuck is happening? 

Sirius decided to go sit down and wait to be able to take his stuff to his room. When he sat down a with floppy brown hair boy came to sit next to him. 

"Hey, I'm Frank"

"Hi, I'm Sirius, how are you?"

"I'm doing okay, so Sirius what are you in for? One of the top five? or a mixture of them? or a 'special case'?"

"What do you mean? What's the top five?"

"Oi, Frank leave the new guy alone." Said a Boy with short hair that was dyed green. He also came over to sit by Sirius but he dragged a red chair to where they were sitting instead of sitting next to him, like Frank had. The boy nodded to Sirius and said, "Sup, I'm Johnny, and to explain what my nosy friend, Frank, was asking. Is the Top Five reasons most of us are here. There is Depression, Anger issues, Drugs, Running Away, or Trauma. There are obviously a lot more reasons than those to be admitted but those are the most common."

"Oh. So which ones are you two?" Asked Sirius.

"I am Suicidal, which falls under Depression. And our Frank here is none of the above." Answered Johnny.

"I have schizophrenia." clarified Frank. 

"Oh, okay. What about Remus, which is he?" 

The two boys in front of him share a look and Johnny turns to him and says," Remus is a 'Special case'. He's been here longer than all of us, but it's not our place to tell." 

And with that Miss Poppy calls Sirius up to the desk. Asking him for his shoe laces. As he is taking them out she tells him, "Now dear, you can still wear your shoes but you will need to put these zip ties in place of the laces for them to fit properly" 

He nods and starts refitting his shoes with zip ties and when he is done he looks down at his shoes. "Not so bad, It makes them look more punk rock." He says giving her a smile as she says "i'm sure they do deary, now here are your things carry them and follow me, I'll show you to your room."

Sirius gathered his things in his arms and followed her through a Plexiglas door, that opened into a small hall with four doors, two on each side and she stopped in front of door on the left farthest from the Plexiglas door and said this will be your room, I will be back at the desk if you have any questions and she opened the door for him and then left. 

Sirius walked straight in the room noticing the right side looked very much like someone lived there and that there was a door that he guessed was a bathroom that had a light on, he guessed the owner of the right side of the room was in there.  So Sirius threw his things on the bed that was on the left side and just as he started to look around the room, the bathroom door opened and Remus was walking out of it and he looked over at Sirius and smirked. 

"I told you we would be seeing each other a lot more around here."

Sirius was royally fucked. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always tell me what you think please, and I will try my hardest to not procrastinate on writing the next chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it. I'll try to update regularly. Please tell me what you thought in the comments.


End file.
